Your Kaiju of the Week is…

The star of Gamera vs Guiron…GUIRON. Take a drink everytime you see the name “Guiron” typed in this article.

Guiron kinda sucks frankly, but his approach to sucking is very different in comparison with the Megalons and Gigans of the world. Where as those monsters are fine with their random laser based attacks, Guiron has decided to live life in a much more challenging fashion. Ya see, he’s a a quadruped and his only form of defense is his big ass knife head. So basically, to defeat an opponent, he has to drag their massive forms to the ground and then slam his forehead into their abdomen or neck a lot. Sounds like a lot of work and no one would ever buy this poor fella having a shot at the magic flying space turtle, Gamera, but the folks who made their film did do one smart thing: They gave Guiron a squash match early on in the flick. Inexplicably, Space Gyaos attacks Guiron’s home planet early on in the film “Gamera vs. Guiron” and Guiron goes ahead and slices that big intergalactic chicken into chopped salad in particularly nasty fashion.

 All of these disadvantages you would think would make Guiron the plucky underdog to the fire farting super turtle. Unfortunately, Guiron’s main job is guarding the planet for 2 brain eating lady aliens. Oh well.

Gamera of course eventually ends up wrecking Guiron’s shit, but only after a spectacular turtle gymnastics display.


Stuck upside down in the ground by his own head, Guiron suffers a missile to the face, effectively decapitating him. Go ahead and read that again and just enjoy yourself. Good? Ya good? Good.

Guiron never returned, possibly because even the somewhat idiotic gents in control of the Gamera franchise realized he was sort of terrible. He does however go down as the only kitchen knife based space beast of the past 100 years and that has to count for something. Thank you Guiron, and Godspeed.