{"id":247,"date":"2010-10-06T07:15:56","date_gmt":"2010-10-06T07:15:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/?p=247"},"modified":"2010-10-06T07:15:56","modified_gmt":"2010-10-06T07:15:56","slug":"blurry-cinema-night-of-the-demons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/?p=247","title":{"rendered":"Blurry Cinema: Night of the Demons"},"content":{"rendered":"

Whatchoo know about Night of the Demons (1988)? Probably not near enough and that\u2019s a shame. I will never understand how such a delightfully crass and vile film slipped through the mainstream conscious while Chucky continues to cackle maniacally as his red hair shimmers in the wind. The film does have a remake coming out relatively soon, but it\u2019s been doomed to direct to DVD status and a starring role for Shannon Elizabeth. Mother of Mary. So let\u2019s pretend none of this has happened and discuss a party thrown by a girl named Angela.<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

Oh what the hey, let\u2019s throw in some booze for the pure fun of it. Today\u2019s guest commentator will be Hussong\u2019s tequila! Hug a Mexican, tell them you appreciate what they do. Okay, let\u2019s roll.<\/p>\n

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– 4 quick shots, with the last one resulting in me walking around the living room at a quick pace and squeezing my eyes shut tightly as I tried not to erupt like an Icelandic volcano. Went down the wrong pipe there. Feel kind of like a wuss because I just started. I calm myself. It\u2019s going to be okay I whisper to no one.<\/p>\n

– Opening credits and DIG that kooky animated sequence. Always liked that and it sets itself apart right off the bat; reminds me of old Vincent Price movies. Why isn\u2019t Vincent Price in this? And the Wizard of Oz? And Inception? What the fuck ever Hollywood.<\/p>\n

– Stooge, Rodger and Helen are going to a part-eh. And Stooge moons some decrepit old man. He didn\u2019t like that slab of young nubile flesh being pointed his way and he voices his displeasure. Ah the 80\u2019s.<\/p>\n

– A fellow named Jay is trying to convince his LADY to come to the infamous Hull House for a Halloween party. I am only covering this so we can get our character introductions out of the way. You picked up on that, right? Oh yeah, her name is Judy. There\u2019s no joke here, I apologize.<\/p>\n

– Angela is introduced stealing a few goodies from a local gas station. Her way of distracting the cashier? Her comrade Suzanne\u2019s ass. Linnea Quigley, ladies and gentleman! This is one of those scenes in the film where as a child I really hoped my mother didn\u2019t need me as I was callously exploring my boy body. Nothing was gentle about my love.<\/p>\n

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– Shots. I am reminded that I am not a particular fan of tequila. I also couldn\u2019t find my orange juice after inhaling the 2nd<\/sup> of 2 shots and nearly collapsed. I\u2019m like a wannabe frat girl struggling through initiation at this point.<\/p>\n

– Stooge and his group get a flat on the way to Hull House. Lots of cursing! Stooge and John Goodman have a lot in common from a purely physical standpoint. Goodman of course had a much sunnier disposition.<\/p>\n

– Judy and Jay are joined by Francine and Max. Francine is the rare white whale of 80\u2019s horror films: An exceedingly attractive Asian woman who may get partially nude. 12 year old me was practically in a puddle of my own juices upon initial sight of her. You need to know these things. Oh yeah, they do the \u201cNeed a hand? SARCASTIC CLAP!\u201d gag. If no demonic activity would have occurred, I must assume that Stooge would\u2019ve gotten liquored up and blood would\u2019ve been spilled anyways over this altercation. AIN\u2019T THAT RIGHT, STOOGEY?!<\/p>\n

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Yeah! He\u2019s all fired up!<\/p>\n

– Some bullshit about how evil cannot cross a running stream of water. An underground stream marked by a wall happens to encircle the house. Demons are pretty much gigantic pussies if a little stream is going to slow them down. I am officially challenging Hell to a fight, fuck it. Satan, bring your best adversary. I got a mystery tag team partner that will be revealed later in this very post. Are you on pins and needles? Yeah, I bet you are.<\/p>\n

– Oh yeah, some guy named Sal is here too. He\u2019s exceedingly Italian. He likes Pasghetti! Yes, Pasghetti, it\u2019s not a typo. Shut up.<\/p>\n

– Punk rock music and a fat guy dancing. It must be Halloween! Where is the gratuitous drinking? Oh, it\u2019s currently entering my system, as I knock a quick shot out. Hey, that was much easier.<\/p>\n

– Power goes out. Of course it does. Angela decides to go the s\u00e9ance route and I got to admit, this party is far from \u201cbumpin\u2019\u201d or \u201cfly\u201d. But hey, anytime you can go to a party with 9 other unlikable shits, you gotta do it.<\/p>\n

– Helen catches a glimpse of a demon in a mirror during the s\u00e9ance and then her own corpse slamming into the other side of the mirror. My party night is probably over once the premonitions of my own death begin. Always liked the way the demon looked too, just a simple puppet I believe, but more unnerving than a million CGI sharks that eat LL Cool J\u2019s bird. What I\u2019m saying is, fuck Deep Blue Sea.<\/p>\n

– Oh yeah, Suzanne was possessed by a demon during the s\u00e9ance. Probably a plot point I should share.<\/p>\n

– Helen is freaked out, Roger is black and gettins\u2019 mighty nervous massa and everyone else is ready to fuck. So let the splitting up begin. Jay and Judy head off with Max and Francine while Roger and Helen head to the parking lot with Angela\u2019s keys. Suzanne invites Stooge to the bathroom, but first sticks her Satanic goat whore tongue down Angela\u2019s mouth, sharing some of her demon with her. Well that would be very thoughtful under any other circumstances.<\/p>\n

– Roger and Helen can\u2019t find the gate they came in through, Max creeps out everyone with the legend of Hull House, Jay can get NO ass off of Judy and Suzanne won\u2019t let anyone in the bathroom. Oh fuck yourself if you want better details, RENT THE THING. Jesus. Whiny. Helen runs for it for some reason. Roger is all \u201cNah girl, I am chillin\u2019\u201d except not really because he\u2019s playing a complete wiener.<\/p>\n

– The Lord gives us liquor to make us happy. Thank you Lord. And the fine people at Hussong\u2019s tequila. Hussong\u2019s: Tastes like shit, but it\u2019ll probably black her out!<\/p>\n

– Actually, it\u2019s really nice tequila.<\/p>\n

– But it will still black her out. High five? Anyone? There it is.<\/p>\n

– Suzanne\u2019s face pretty much turns into a big omelet and her demonic form is revealed. That\u2019s a good make up effect fellas. Stooge hears a mirror shatter and forces his way in, but finds no vagina to insert himself in. What bullshit.<\/p>\n

– Sal is stuck with Angela in the living room and demon or no, I would be all over her in a second. Not sure what this says about me, but it\u2019s got to be good, right? Sal is intrigued but then Angela starts in with the time of atonement speech that ALL chicks use when they don\u2019t wanna give it up. She starts dancing to some Bauhaus with strobe light assistance. I refuse to not be aroused by this after all these years.<\/p>\n

– Shots. Tipsy. Let\u2019s go fight people we don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

– Stooge enters the living quarters and sees Angela going all slutty goth dance off. He is ready to fuck, dammit. Sal tries to warn him against this, but there is nothing stopping the psychosexual pleasure that Stooge demands. Sal books it out of there, wisely. Stooge of course ends up getting his tongue bit off. How ironic. I guess?<\/p>\n

– Huh?<\/p>\n

– Sal is trying to find someone else and locates Suzanne in the john. Now the movie must move to the next level, of course. Sal is so not into Suzanne writing all over her bare chest with lipstick so he evacuates. She doesn\u2019t take this well and as a result pushes the tube into the middle of her nipple. It completely goes inside of her is what I\u2019m saying. Great effect. The commentary actually reveals that Linnea ended up marrying the guy who made the mold of her breasts for this scene. Who says love is dead?<\/p>\n

– Jay enters and he doesn\u2019t give a shit what Suzanne is doing, he is fucking something. Good on you Jay! Max and Francine are going to fuck in a coffin. And a good on you Max! These guys, what a great bunch.<\/p>\n

– Sal tries to relay to Angela that he is SOOOOO outtie, but she turns around and her hands are in flames. Well then. He makes a break for it, but the door is locked and Angela uses the husky deep throated \u201cGAHHHHHHH\u201d to put the heebie jeebies in him.<\/p>\n

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– Roger has locked himself in a car and is sleeping. The Lord of darkness rises him by throwing Helen\u2019s corpse into the windshield. Jump scare! And a good one. Her corpse just keeps slamming into things. He runs to the house to warn the others. Roger always was the best of us.<\/p>\n

-Oh shit, my mystery tag team partner is here. HIT THE MUSIC.<\/p>\n

Amerrrrreeeeeekhaaaaaan\u2026DREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAM<\/em><\/p>\n

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–<\/em> The legendary, DUSTY RHODES! Former multi time World Champion! What say you about the devil challenging me, Dream!?<\/p>\n

– \u201cLemme telllll you sumtin bebe\u2026the AMERICAN DREAM ain\u2019t afraid of no evil! He ain\u2019t spooked by the cookey cackly sounds of darkness! No sir! NO SIR! You wanna know what the fear is, dark Lord Satan? THE FEAR\u2026in\u2026in LIFE is not some ooky demon man comin\u2019 out the closet to get ya! NO SIR!. The FEAR a man feels, a good hard workin\u2019 man like the fellows here at the Pookey, THE FEAR they experience is workin\u2019 day and NIGHT on dis\u2019 here website and SEEIN\u2019 NOTHIN\u2019 but HEART ache. They ache Dark Lord Satan. Just common\u2026meeeeen. Working hard\u2026wit dey hands\u2026only to get REPLACED by fancy new websites. 30 years! 30 years Chikodemono worked on dat dere Pooke\u2026and then they KICKED HIM IN THE BUTT, gave him a watch to remember them by and said \u2018Oh! Your web abilities! They is too archaic! They is dated! You out da do\u2019 bebe! But he wouldn\u2019t take that\u2026no sir\u2026not heeeem. And not me. The American Dream\u2026born the son of a plumber\u2026My friend here! Glamorama! I don\u2019t know what dat is! What\u2019s so damn glamorous about em! But he is a man I love like my own son. And LORD DARK SATAN! When you put yo\u2019 finger in my son\u2019s chest and challenge him\u2026you challenge\u2026the Dream too. So bring yo\u2019 friends! Bring yo\u2019 family! Because me and Glamorama, we is here and we is ready. I love these people, and I love each and every one of YOU sittin\u2019 at home watchin me right now! THANK YOU!\u201d<\/p>\n

– Alrighty. Thanks Dream.<\/p>\n

– Suzanne and Jay is getting dey sexy on. She asks Jay if her make up looks okay and he says of course it is. Mind you, at this point it\u2019s smeared everywhere and looks like she head butted a cherry pie. But he must finish dammit. Suddenly, Suzanne turns into her demonic form and buries her thumbs in his eyes. Good God. At least the demon gave up some ass before wrecking him beyond recognition. Curious horny bugger, aren\u2019t you Beelzebub?<\/p>\n

– Francine is topless. Thank you movie! Used to pause this scene on VHS a lot as a child. Of course, it had those damn lines across the screen so it wasn\u2019t as satisfying as it could\u2019ve been.<\/p>\n

– I write reviews only to inform you of my masturbatory habits.<\/p>\n

– Stooge shows up, snaps Francine\u2019s neck and then severs Max\u2019s arm by slamming the coffin lid down on it repeatedly. Jealous asshole. That cool weird sex demon in Suzanne would\u2019ve just joined in for awhile.<\/p>\n

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– Roger is all \u201cSHIIIIIT I AM SCARED SHIT IS SO SCARRRRRRY\u201d and finds Angela fully transformed. LOVE that make up job, ferocious looking beast. Roger hauls ass out of there and runs into Sal. Sal is all \u201cShit is weird!\u201d so they run together. What beautiful interracial lovers.<\/p>\n

– Nasty yellow alcohol fueled piss goes down my throat.<\/p>\n

– Smoking a cigarette outside of my apartment. A guy walks by and notices my Mars Volta shirt. \u2018Cool shirt, dude.\u201d I say \u201cThanks.\u201d Then he notices I am drunk and chain smoking, so he gives me a funny look and gets out of the general area. It\u2019s 3 in the afternoon by the way.<\/p>\n

– Back to the movie. Roger and Sal find Judy and they all run around like a buncha assholes. Roger catches a really great visual of Angela approaching, so like any decent man, he ditches his friends and runs like hell. Can\u2019t argue with that strategy.<\/p>\n

– Sal is all \u201cYo yo yo\u201d when they find Suzanne holding Jay\u2019s mangled body. She flings him out the window to the grounds and let\u2019s Judy run back into the hall where all the doors begin locking themselves. Uh oh.<\/p>\n

– Judy makes her way into the only unlocked door and it\u2019s where Max and Francine\u2019s dead shells arm. DISEMBODIED ARM ATTACK. Why the fuck not? Piles of corpses are chasing blondie now.<\/p>\n

– We\u2019re on the roof. I missed how we got here, I was IMDB\u2019ing Francine. Her name is Jill Terashita. HEY! It\u2019s the same hot Asian in Sleepaway Camp 3. Glad to see she got her money\u2019s worth out of those babies before leaving the business. Oh yeah, Angela and Sal fall off the roof resulting in his brutal impaling. Take that, macaroni Sam.<\/p>\n

– Judy falls off the roof as well and lands on Roger who is giving a genuinely good performance in this. Let\u2019s see what his name is\u2026Alvin Alexis! Let\u2019s do a shot in his honor.<\/p>\n

– Ahhhh. Alvin! My man!<\/p>\n

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– I turn back to the screen and the survivors have invented a flame thrower somehow. Well alrighty then. Stooge is PISSED.<\/p>\n

– And a demon.<\/p>\n

– They make it back to the living quarters and Roger fills his Long John Silver outfit with shit AGAIN and ditches Judy. All the demons congregate and act scary. Roger flings himself out a window to escape and Judy follows. Roger is an inspiration.<\/p>\n

– Judy and Black Jesus figure out they must scale the wall to get out of harms way. The only problem is it\u2019s covered in barb wire. This would not slow down Terry Funk.<\/p>\n

– Roger says \u201cFuck it\u201d and mangles his hands but manages to escape over the top. Judy is a fucking WOMAN so she is useless and caught by Stooge\u2019s burnt ass as she scales the wall. But no! Roger has grown a pair and comes to her aid. He drags her over the wall just as the sun rises and this makes the demons turn into vapor apparently. Yeah buddy!<\/p>\n

– More liquor in my face.<\/p>\n

– The two beaten ass kids walk on home and pass the elderly man Stooge mooned earlier. He bitches about kids and apparently his wife hates him because she\u2019s snuck razorblades into his apple pie. He dies. She says \u201cHappy Halloween dear.\u201d Ahaha, she\u2019s a psychopath.<\/p>\n

Hey this baby STILL cooks. Always will hold a place with me. The combination of gore, pointless nudity and really great effects mean you pretty much got to own it if you have horror buried deep in your heart as I do.<\/p>\n

My favorite quotes from the film, you ask? Why sure!<\/p>\n

Stooge: Eat a bowl of fuck! I am here to PARTY!<\/p>\n

Stooge: SHUT UP AND DRIVE BITCH!<\/p>\n

Stooge: Festering fuckwads! You cannot take this bitch ANYWHERE!<\/p>\n

Stooge: [pounding on the bathroom door] Damn it bitch, c’mon! What’d you do, flush yourself down the fucking toilet or what?<\/p>\n

Angela: Rest assured we got something wonderful planned for you, so much pain, so much *sorrow*!<\/p>\n

Angela Blessed be the sinners, for the day of atonement is at hand.
\nSal: Say what?
\nFilm: ****, few slow points, but no major complaints from me.<\/p>\n

Liquor: Pretty good! I\u2019m not a tequila man really, but this got the job done with a minimum of me hitting my lovers.<\/p>\n

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?<\/p>\n

<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whatchoo know about Night of the Demons (1988)? Probably not near enough and that\u2019s a shame. I will never understand how such a delightfully crass and vile film slipped through the mainstream conscious while Chucky continues to cackle maniacally as his red hair shimmers in the wind. The film does have a remake coming out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[49,16,48],"class_list":["post-247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-film-reviews","tag-angela","tag-drunky","tag-notd"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=247"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":254,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247\/revisions\/254"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}