{"id":768,"date":"2011-08-14T10:46:09","date_gmt":"2011-08-14T17:46:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/?p=768"},"modified":"2011-08-10T10:51:12","modified_gmt":"2011-08-10T17:51:12","slug":"glamorama-reviews-3-papa-shango-squashes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/?p=768","title":{"rendered":"Glamorama Reviews 3 Papa Shango Squashes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Title says it all. I am doing this for no particular reason. Let’s make it a consistent feature from now on. Okay? Okay.<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

Our commentators are Vince Mcmahon and Mr. Perfect. Dale Wolfe is already in the ring and despite his pretty impressive mullet, Mr. Wolfe may be one of the most unspectacular looking jobbers of the 90\u2019s. And out comes Papa Shango. Lots of shots of children looking absolutely horrified. Ya know, if they hadn\u2019t called him Papa Shango and incorporated so much actual use of \u201cvoodoo\u201d, I think the character could\u2019ve had a longer run. Big Charles Wright certainly looks formidable in the get up anyways. Unintentional comedy by an announcer interrupts my thought process sadly.<\/p>\n

Vinnie Mac: What\u2019d he do, kiss the bones or smell them!? I don\u2019t know what he was doing.<\/p>\n

Oh this is Papa Shango\u2019s WWF debut according to Vince. I never see him brought up in duscussion, but Hennig is a pretty good color man. Good voice for it. On that note, here\u2019s this exchange.<\/p>\n

Mr. Perfect: You know where this man is from, Mcmahon?<\/p>\n

Vince: *long Pause*\u2026I\u2026I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

Hey Jameson is in the crowd. Do you remember Jameson? Not the Irish whiskey, the Revenge of the Nerds ripoff who is probably currently killing himself with Irish whiskey.<\/p>\n

Vince is talking about voodoo having roots in Haiti and Louisiana so Shango might be from there as a result. Well that was a nice try, anyway.<\/p>\n

Shango with lots of clubbing forearms and general shitty big man offense. Sloppy backbreaker. And then Shango just goes ahead and finishes with his inverted shoulder breaker. That move owns, but just looked like complete crap here. Charles wasn\u2019t what you would call \u201cgood\u201d at this point, a zenith he never really reached I guess. Hennig cracks me up by wondering what \u201cMama Shango\u201d looks like. Post match, Papa walks around the ring, says \u201cMumba\u201d and laughs a lot. Okie dokie.<\/p>\n

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Oh sweet, our commentators are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan. Todd Overbow is already in the ring. If you were\u00a0pasty and had a mullet in the early 90\u2019s, did the WWF just search you out so a bigger name could kick the shit out of you? Absolutely no excuse for Overbow and Wolfe not forming the droopiest body having tag team of all time.<\/p>\n

Here comes Papa Shango. Children fear him. Can\u2019t say as I blame them, if I saw Wright in any of his gimmicks coming towards me, I\u2019d ruin my striped English boxer shorts that I have imported from Malaysia.<\/p>\n

Bobby Heenan: His fingernails are black!<\/p>\n

Gorilla: So\u2019s the rest of him!<\/p>\n

Indeed! Match starts with some clubbering. Oh hey, Shango has his smoking skull now. That\u2019s good. Irish whip and Shango shocks me and everyone else in the history of creation by hitting a pretty nice standing dropkick. What the hell!?<\/p>\n

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Neck vice and some knees to the back. Gorilla and Bobby both sound suicidal via boredom. Some sort of flying neck chop or whatever the fuck that was. Shango is bored too, so he goes to the finish. NASTY shoulder breaker this time, as Heenan really enjoyed the near jobber murder. Post match, Shango get\u2019s his big smoking voodoo stick and drives it into Overbow\u2019s throat. You just don\u2019t get to type sentences like that when watching other forms of entertainment. \u201cHe harpooned him!\u201d says Bobby. Yes he did!
\nBrian Brieger is already in the ring. He Looks like he\u2019d play the 3rd lead in a really bad mobster film and his name would be \u201cTony Meat Balls\u201d or something. I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

Vince and Mr. Perfect are back as our commentators now. Oh no, they\u2019re discussing the \u201ccurse\u201d Shango put on The Ultimate Warrior. I always forget how much they pushed the unproven big man right out of the gate. It\u2026did not go well. Luckily, Vince learned his lesson and never overpushed a guy as soon as he got into the company just based on his size ever again. Yep. That never happened again.<\/p>\n

The joke is that he still does this and will probably do it till his heart finally explodes. There. Do you get it now? DO YOU?<\/p>\n

Pre match, Shango starts convulsing and Mcmahon thinks he is going into a \u201cspell.\u201d Was it really a good idea to have the huge black dude in the semi silly voodoo outfit come out and essentially mimic cumming all over himself before his match? Because I think it\u2019s spectacular personally and that must mean it\u2019s really stupid.<\/p>\n

Shango shoots off a little fire and the lights go out. This isn\u2019t going to pay off well unless they come back on and Sabu puts most of the 1st row through a table. And suddenly, flames light up the dark. The lights come back on. I will let Vince tell you the rest.<\/p>\n

Vince: HIS OPPONENT\u2019S FEET\u2026ARE ON FIRE!<\/p>\n

Brian is unconscious and seems to have melted black licorice spewed all over his face. Shango\u2019s laugh in the background is hilarious. Note to future villains: Never go \u201cMWAHAHAHAHA\u2026MWAAHAHAHAHA\u2026MWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA\u201d to convince people you are evil.
\nVince just called Brieger \u201cBrian Cougar.\u201d I miss this Vince. Shango gyrates like Rihanna some more.<\/p>\n

Vince: It just boggles the mind! That this man\u2026has that kind of powers!<\/p>\n

Couldn\u2019t have said it better myself. Papa Shango didn\u2019t last too much longer than his Warrior feud, but don\u2019t fret. Things would get better for Charles Wright.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Er\u2026 sorta.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Title says it all. I am doing this for no particular reason. Let’s make it a consistent feature from now on. Okay? Okay.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[216],"tags":[218,217,219],"class_list":["post-768","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-3-random-match-reviews","tag-brian-cougar","tag-papa-shango","tag-voodoo"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/768","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=768"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/768\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":771,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/768\/revisions\/771"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=768"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=768"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=768"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}