{"id":998,"date":"2011-12-29T18:13:29","date_gmt":"2011-12-30T02:13:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/?p=998"},"modified":"2011-12-29T18:13:30","modified_gmt":"2011-12-30T02:13:30","slug":"glamorama-wastes-your-time-with-the-nba","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/?p=998","title":{"rendered":"Glamorama Wastes Your Time With The NBA!"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the newest of glorious inconsistently updated Pooke features. Here, I will break down 3 random NBA players in fairly lazy fashion, and then somehow try to decide which wrestler they remind me the most of. I am not sure why I am doing any of this. Let\u2019s go.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Mike Bibby –<\/p>\n

Pros: Still a consistent 18 to 25 foot shooter as long he\u2019s open\u2026So clutch at one point in his career, that he took away attention from Chris Webber shitting himself live on national television\u2026well groomed\u2026<\/p>\n

Cons: Can be turned into a human lay-up line\u2026makes no shots ever if guarded at this point in his career\u2026doesn\u2019t pass well or rebound at all\u2026became one of the living dead some time during the 2009-10 season\u2026during any stoppage of game, he nearly collapses in a sweating mushy pile of fatigue\u2026Saw him on the Knicks bench and immediately considered it the equivalent of burning a few million dollars\u2026<\/p>\n

Wrestler I Would Compare Him To: Jerry Lynn\u2026Never made it as a true star, but had a few moments of true greatness\u2026Both mens\u2019 bodies are probably in a fair amount of pain at this point\u2026Jerry Lynn is a fucking dork who throws up the metal horns and death metal grunts, Mike Bibby is a fucking dork who does that awful infuriating little dance after he makes more than 1 jumper in a row\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Boris Diaw:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Pros: Really well rounded player, can do a little bit of everything… Great court vision for a player of his size, good rebounder, has range\u2026 What could possibly be the downside?<\/p>\n

Cons: Big ol\u2019 lazy fatass is the answer to the question I just asked. Only shows up in contract years, notorious for his inability to do sit ups ever\u2026Once came into training camp bragging about how he hadn\u2019t touched a basketball in months\u2026Is named Boris\u2026<\/p>\n

Wrestler I Would Compare Him To: Matt Hardy\u2026Both were given chances to make themselves a name (Hardy with his return to feud with Edge over Lita, Boris being plugged into the D\u2019Antoni Suns when they still had some firepower left) and blew them spectacularly\u2026Personal problems have ended up defining them more than anything (Hardy and his numerous arrests, Diaw putting butter on fucking everything)\u2026Sadly enough, both guys at one point had talent to spare and just did nothing with it\u2026Boris IS however in the final year of his contract, so he\u2019s gonna be playing for some house money\u2026Matt Hardy is still fat LOLZ MEME INTERNET JOKE\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Zaza Pachulia:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Pros: Legitimately tough and has no problem proving this to bitchy \u201cNBA Tough\u201d players who quickly realize this bastard will actually fight you\u2026Kevin Garnett is very obviously afraid of him\u2026Total banger, doesn\u2019t mind getting punched in the dick or eye gouged as long as he can record a few offensive rebounds in the process<\/p>\n

Cons: Fucking terrible at all other aspects of basketball that do not include almost starting fights\u2026Really is truly hideous\u2026Probably cannot jump higher than me and most of my right ankle is pieces of metal held together by sheer will power\u2026<\/p>\n

Wrestler I would Compare Him To:\u00a0 Maxx Payne\u2026Doesn\u2019t bring a lot to the table, but can be very useful when challenging another team\u2019s top dog or using mustard and balsa wood as a weapon in a brawl taking place at the concession stands\u2026Certainly accepting of their roles as \u201cGuys who don\u2019t do things well, but make other people bleed internally\u201d\u2026Zaza is from the country of Georgia, Maxx once worked for WCW which is based out of the state of Georgia\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the newest of glorious inconsistently updated Pooke features. Here, I will break down 3 random NBA players in fairly lazy fashion, and then somehow try to decide which wrestler they remind me the most of. I am not sure why I am doing any of this. Let\u2019s go.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[345,348,347,346,377],"class_list":["post-998","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-nba","tag-convoluted-metaphors","tag-forced-humor","tag-maxx-payne","tag-mike-bibby","tag-the-nba"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/998","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=998"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/998\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1000,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/998\/revisions\/1000"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=998"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=998"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pooke.thedreamisdead.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=998"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}