Remember when I did that Fall of Minor Celebrities thing one time and it generated so much international media that it crashed the internet into the Lord’s smiling visage? WELL HERE IS THE SEQUEL MISTER.
Kim Kardashian done got hitched! Unfortunately she is beyond the reach of a “minor” celebrity at this point, so let’s take pot shots at her shitty fiance…Kris Humphries! Actually, let’s not. He’s balding, plays for the Nets and just blew 2 million dollars on some trashy ring, BUT HE’S GETTING THAT ASS. So I like him.
Senator Anthony Weiner accidentally sent a picture of his engorged menacing whale penis over his twitter account. Ya’ll can hate, but that brotha be packing that meat, yo. I admittedly tried to think up a clever way to comment on this without “weiner” jokes and instead just became turned on by it. Welp, there ya go. He should burst into meetings with “I AM ANTHONY FUCKING WEEEEEEEEINNNNNERRRRRR” and then diamond cut the President before he can get off his spinaroonie/axe kick combo.
Kharma is the inhuman killing machine signed by the WWE to spice up their God awful Divas division. She’s huge, black and terrifying. Also pregnant. She will be out for upwards of year. When informed of this, Vince Mcmahon reportedly said “How in the hell did we get that fucking wig on Ron Simmons, let alone get him pregnant?! He’s gonna have morning sickness and HE’S GONNA PUKE! HE’S GOOOOONNNA PUUUUUKE”
Clarice Taylor AKA The Grandmother on The Cosby Show AKA Harriet On Sesame Street passed away at the age of 93. All I knew was that I saw a headline that said an old black lady who played a Harriet had died and I went into hysterics. I thought surely Carl Winslow will never remarry. Different old black lady. This joke is a stretch. Any smartass who just read that and said “Joke?! WHAT JOKE?!” well you just made me sad. Also, the episode where Steve Urkel finds a haunted doll that looks like him is on Now UNLEASH ZOMBIE URKEL.
Sasha Grey announced her retirement from the porno industry effective as of this past April. Sashaaaaaa. I support her being in more mainstream films as watching the Girlfriend Experience, noticing how she gave a strangely effective performance and immediately hopping online to watch her get plowed anally while wearing a rubber pig snout was a great moment. You just can’t do that with Sandra Bullock. Can you!?
Now go away.