Posts filed under “Film Reviews”

The Green Lantern

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. – Kent Brockman I do not expect too much from super hero flicks. They don’t require Oscar winning dialogue or even have to make total and […]


What do you think about creamy tomato soup? I’m really in love with the stuff. The texture of regular tomato soup makes me think I am drinking melted dwarf, but the creamy stuff is not unlike a subtle tip of the hat from a man you respect. It just feels GOOD. So let’s review 1976’s […]

Animated Asshole Reviews III, part 1

Third time is a charm when it comes to Animated Asshole Reviews. This will be the third time I try to review an animated film, hopefully it’ll actually be done by the end of the year. However, knowing my excellent track record, it won’t. The latest cartoon movie produced by DC Comics is an anthology […]

Night of the Demons 3…sucks.

Night of the Demons and it’s gloriously offensive sequel brought some truly intriguing things to the table. Can you be raped by a tube of lipstick? Can that same lipstick have previously been shoved into someone’s tit with little resistance? Do nuns know a form of kung fu? The Night of the Demons series nodded […]


Let’s get one thing straight right out of the gate: Tony Todd kicks a substantial amount of posterior. An imposing look combined with a voice that sounds like it could’ve done the spoken word parts of Boyz 2 Men songs has given him a nice career in the horror industry. He’s a little different for […]

Night of the Demons 2

Night of the Demons 2. The mere mention of it’s name brings to mind films like The Godfather 2, The Bride of Frankenstein or even say Terminator 2. Sequels to classic American cinema that arguably pass there predecessor. None of this is true, but it seemed like a relatively amusing point to start off with. […]

That’s the Way I Am

I’ll go to the papers if I have to. WWE’s telling me that bullyism is bad. That and homosexuality. At least Randy Orton still gives ultimatums. Also, the main love interest is an 8th grade slut. Nonstop kisser. Ed Harris doesn’t know what to make of the accusation towards his sexuality. He neither confirms nor […]

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Well, I did an obnoxiously long review of the original Nightmare, so let’s do a short lazy man’s review of it’s remake. This is all code for “I am not watching the 2010 Freddy ever again if I can help it.“

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

You know, I just don’t like Freddy flicks. Despite his strange power over women who grew up watching him, I was more of a Jason fan. The grunting, the hideous disfigurement, the need to wear baggy work pants at all time, me and Mrs. Voorhes baby boy just had more in common. Also, the Nightmare […]