This is the first time I have done a music review in years. I don’t even listen to tunes these days, preferring the empty silence as much as I can. However, when I discovered that the latest Lady Gaga album was going to be a $1, I couldn’t pass up on it. I vaguely know who Lady Gaga is and only know of her more popular singles due to Dance Central, but for a $1, it’s a deal that can’t be passed up. I mean, I use to purchase godawful used albums for $5 from a terrible music store, so the impulse purchase isn’t new. This will be my attempt to sit through and review the entire album. This will be the first time I actively play a Lady Gaga song with my own free will. I suspect it’ll change my life. Here is Lady Gaga’s Born This Way

• Marry the Night – Piano use and she beautifully sings her desire to marry the night. It reminds me of one of Tori Amos’ happier songs, right until the techno music takes over and I suddenly feel like I’m back in the 80s. Brilliant. Also getting some Cher vibes from this song. Gon gon gonna marry gon gon gonna marry the night. Pretty catchy so far. Infectious, I will dare say. Yep, this is something that will be a hit at dance clubs, like the majority of her music, I bet. It reminds me of my gay clubbing days. Oh my, those were fun. A crowded hole in the wall full of sweaty, incredibly muscular men dancing their tight butts to a variety of pop hits while a handful of sexy men dance erotically on a raised stage near the back. Those were fun times.

  The song changes pace a few times, causing me to appreciate it more. It’s easy to fall in the trap of having the same melody throughout the song, making it monotonous and forgettable. An excellent way to start off an album that I hope continues the pace of fun, catchy music that reminds me of sweaty men dancing. Times like this make me miss the adventures of Billy and Chuck. They really were ahead of their time as a possibly-gay duo in the WWE. Imagine them coming out to Lady Gaga remixes, perhaps with her as a guest valet for a big PPV. Oh my, I got far too excited about Billy Gunn. Hmm, what is his real name. … Monty Sopp. Monty Kip Sopp. Well then. That’s workable I guess. Kip James wasn’t a terrible name. Oh hey, he was on an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch! Wait, what the fuck was I reviewing?



• Born this Way – I apologize for the previous paragraph. I honestly don’t know what to make of a song that somehow leads my train of thought to Cute Kip. The title song opens up with Gaga letting me know that it doesn’t matter if I love “him” or “capital H i m” because I was born this way. Kinda creepy that she knew I was just thinking about Billy Gunn. Typical Gaga techno junk playing. Not as fun as the earlier song, but it’s acceptable. Song dedicated to lifting up the spirits of individuals troubled with self-esteem issues. Baby, I was born this way. She bestows excellent advice such as, “Don’t be a gripe, be a queen”. Rest assure dear, I relish in the fact that I am a queen. Near the middle of the song, she breaks out a little rap about oriental something. She heard about Pooke’s induction of Jill Terashita.
  

  The song ends with seductive whispers reminding the listener that she was born this way. An adequate song with a positive message, but eh, wasn’t as catchy as the opener. Still solid, though. I’m sure I can relate it to a random wrestling non sequitur, but I think I will save them. Don’t want to burn out on wrestling references in the beginning of a review! My years of writing for Pooke taught me that much. Though, the song did remind me of the recent Kharma breakdown. It’s not her fault she’s a bully, she was born that way! No one else believed her and now she’s a blubbering, large black woman who cries in front of thousands of people. What?

Even though it’s not indicated in the review, I took an extremely long break from this review. Maybe a week and change? I doubt this review will continue any further. However, I will say that the album starts off strong, but it slowly becomes mediocre and monotonous later. At least, this is what I remember while playing in the background one time while helping children with homework. It’s a solid effort for what it is and I’m sure I’ll be bombarded by the singles for the next six months or so.

I could just finish the album and review it, but I’m too scared.